raw sugar (mapofmuses) wrote,
raw sugar
mapofmuses

you must learn to stand up.

Title: An Inability to Look Back
Author: silvertones
Character(s)/Pairings: Princess Garnet til Alexandros
Summary: There's no time to be a little girl when the world is watching.
Note: There might be a slight error in continuity since it's been a while since I played FFIX (I'm doing this from memory) but just take it as a creative license. ;) It takes place post-Alexandria's destruction.

It's only been a few hours after the attack on Alexandria and Dagger feels as though she's having an out of body experience, or maybe it's just wishful thinking that these terrible things are happening to someone else, and someone else who is far more competent than she can take care of it all.

Dagger--no, the Queen, is taken out of Alexandria for her own safety, but during the commute from her kingdom to Lindblum, she wonders if this is really the right move. Steiner tries to encourage her, to assure her at she did all she could, but the notion that her best caused the deaths of hundreds (maybe thousands), only makes her feel worse. Zidane seems to understand and gets Steiner to focus his energies elsewhere; she nods to let him know she's grateful, but can't muster up a smile.

Back in Lindblum she is confined to the guest room, alone, again. This does nothing to improve her mood--if anything, her depression increases as she replays the events over and over in her mind, trying to trace her steps back to find the exact moment where it all went wrong. A pang of loneliness hits her when the full weight of her mother's death hits her; she is truly on her own now with everyone is looking at her to do something, because she's a queen now, and she doesn't have time to be a sixteen year old girl who just wants her parents back.

The queen--no, Dagger, starts to feel the tears in her eyes and she can't stop them. She tries to remain quiet at first (queens don't cry) but then a choked sob finds its way out (little girls do) and she's on the floor of the room, burying her face in her hands and sobbing horribly. Her chest begins to hurt, but she still can't stop, and panics a bit at the feeling which only makes her cry more. She takes deep breaths between sobs, but it creates a worse noise that is completely unladylike and unbefitting of royalty. If anyone can hear her outside, they are wise enough not to come in.

Time passes--how much, Dagger's not sure of, but she pulls herself together and leaves the room under the guard's nose in the same manner she did the last time. Up on the roof, the cool breeze feels good on her eyes. She takes a deep breath and opens her mouth to sing a lyric from her favorite source of comfort--her song.

Only nothing comes out.

Confused, she tries again, but there's no sound. Her heart races and she thinks maybe she injured her throat somehow, but aside from the soreness that comes with crying, it doesn't hurt.

She feels another sting of loneliness, but she's past the point of tears. Instead, she closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep, calming breath. It'll pass, she tells herself. You just strained it.

The Queen of Alexandria straightens her back and tries her best to look more dignified than she feels. There's no father to run to, no mother to hold her now, no song that's going to make it all go away. Her moment of weakness has passed now (she's sure of it), and it's time to handle things like an adult.

Like her mother would have.

Dagger moves to the telescope and looks at all the places she's been, all the places she hasn't, and realizes she still has a lot of growing up to do before this is all over.
Tags: author: silvertones, character: princess garnet/dagger, fandom: final fantasy 9
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