notes: a lazy drabble i posted on tumblr one night while going through the 31_days challenges (when the time comes, there will be no time). originally posted on tumblr, but i'd like to keep something of an archive on these journals.
It starts out like deja vu, the nagging feeling of familiarity all around her before she realizes she’s lived this before, in a dream. It’s not so bad, then — just nightmares, and she can deal with those. It’s when she’s awake that she starts to get nervous, the way her heart starts pounding and her head feels like it’s going to split open, but when Noel asks she can still respond with a smile on her face — it’s just pain, and she can deal with that.
It’s when she starts seeing Yeul’s fate that she starts to get scared. She tries not to show it on her face, but somehow, Noel knows. He’s learned enough to know asking won’t get him anywhere, but when her heart starts pounding he touches the small of her back reassuringly, and he never sleeps far from her so when she wakes up in the middle of the night shaky and out of breath, he reaches for her hand and doesn’t let go.
When he’s grasping her hand like that she thinks a lot about the futures that she’s seen, the futures that she will and will not be a part of, who lives and who dies. She thinks about the people she’s never going to meet again. She thinks about how Snow wanted to plan their future three years ago, and the hollowness in her chest when she sees clearly that there is no future for her, not anymore.
But now, in the face of everything, it seems like a small thing to give up. She looks over at Noel in the dark, still gripping her hand desperately in his sleep. He came here knowing he might die if he changed the future. But that didn’t have to happen. There could be a future where everyone lived, if one sacrifice was made.
She slides closer to Noel, wrapping her arms around him in the dark as he instinctively does the same.
It’s just death, and she can deal with that.